Spideros[Rewards]

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Spideros[Rewards]

Post by Tiniq Kelvor on 8/21/2012, 7:25 pm

Thread Name: Spideros
Type: Solo RP
Link:http://www.infinitedbz.com/t2077-spideros
Link to Character Sheet: http://infinitedbz.wetpaint.com/page/Tiniq+Kelvor
Participants: Tiniq Kelvor
Word Count: 2454
Quest Rewards:1,000 zeni and 10 Hero Points
Modifiers:None
Hero or Villain Points: 10 Hero points
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Tiniq Kelvor
Apprentice
Apprentice

Posts : 3
Join date : 2012-08-17

Character Info
Level: 1
Race: Human
Location: Earth

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Re: Spideros[Rewards]

Post by Goku on 8/23/2012, 12:59 am

Your RP doesn't meet expectations.

But that's okay, I have some simple tips for you that will ensure that you meet it every time. The problem I found reading the whole RP was simple grammar errors.

You've misplaced a lot of semi-colons. In fact, you used 62 of them in your RP. I'm not sure if this was purposeful, or what, but since I semi-colon indicates a pause, it ended out reading funny and disrupting the flow. I suggest eliminating them from the start and finish of your paragraphs and also use commons instead, except for rare circumstances.

+144 XP, +1,000 zeni, +2 Action Points, and +10 Hero Points.

You didn't gain any levels this time.




-----


No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away

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Goku
Staff
Staff

Posts : 1903
Join date : 2011-12-10
Age : 30
Location : New York

Character Info
Level: 81
Race: Saiyan
Location: Other World

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