cannon char creation for Fasha

View previous topic View next topic Go down

cannon char creation for Fasha

Post by OldFasha on 2/22/2012, 6:22 am

Character Name: Fasha

Age: 20
Gender: Femle
Race: Saiyan

Starting Location: vegeta

Attributes:

You start with 50 as a base for each attribute and have 200 attribute points (AP) you may distribute amongst them.

Strength: 50
Agility:50
Ki:50
Endurance:50

You start with 50 technique points (TP). What abilities will you start with?
Surging Punch
Attack - Physical
You throw heavy punch, followed by an explosive blast of ki, making it hard to block. This ability relies on strength rather than ki for determining its effectiveness. Instead of a bonus to ki, the bonus is given to strength.
Attack Rating: 3
Actions: 1
FP Gain: +30
Prerequisites: None
Learning: 50 TP

Were you referred to this site, if so, who referred you? DisasterousC

Please post a link to your wiki username/profile: http://www.wetpaintcentral.com/account/cryingdoves

Roleplay Sample (250 words): Being the only female member of Bardock's Crew at age twenty she knew that she would have to work extra hard. While tending to her daily ritual training out in the fields she heard foot steps heading towards her. Turing to face what was coming not knowing who or what it was she focused on the energy that ran threw her body preparing to attack at any time.

"Fasha.. We have a mission" a deep rough voice comes forth from the distance realizing it was Bardock him self.

Suppressing her power levels she knew there was no reason for an attack, though the thought of shocking him with a small blast to the side out of humor crossed her mind.

"Hmph .. then lets waist no time" she replied back.

Fasha rushed to the pods as they were preparing for their travels to Planet Meat. placing the scouter over her ear and eye a few dark strands of her long bangs got in the way of her sight. Grumbling about the annoyance of this placing her hand up to the dark locks then pushes it back behind her ear along with a strong huffing blow.

" Did you see your son yet Bardock?" asking over the scouter while resting back in the comforts of her pod rising her arms in a cross behind her head.

" No i have not" the voice transmits over

" What are we waiting for?" Shugesh and Borgos asked at the same time.

Three long weeks past since Bardock's crew took off to the Planet Meat where they finally landed onto the surface. The door of Fasha's pod was starting to open when half way down the door froze.
Awaken from the landing seeing that the door was stuck she took her foot upwards aiming right at the center of the door before giving it a hard kick.

"Ahh that should do it" sending the door back in working order for at least what she thought it was seeing the door crashing to the ground sending dust flying up into the air around it.

Gripping the side of the pod pushing herself onto her feet she took a step out onto the soil leaving a foot print deep into the ground below. Looking about with a wide grin she scanned the area for the strongest being on the planet. Being a Saiyan she did love a good challenge looking for one each day and enjoyed each task that was sent to her and her group.


Last edited by cryingdoves on 2/23/2012, 1:53 am; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : adding the wiki and fixing the roleplay)
avatar
OldFasha
Apprentice
Apprentice

Posts : 28
Join date : 2012-02-22

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: cannon char creation for Fasha

Post by Aqua on 2/22/2012, 11:29 am

A few minor adjustments and we should be able to get you addded by tonight. Trunks, our head admin, will be at work until 9 p.m. est and I will be at school until that time as well.

As far as the adjustments,

AP points----You start with a base of 50 and have 200 points to distribute.
Were those numbers your bases? Or would you like an extra 50 distributed to all stats to make them even?

As far as your writing, if you would please make sure to seperate your dialogue (starting a new paragraph for each speaker) it will make a large improvement.

Other than that we just gotta have you get your wiki set up! You can do that by going to www.wetpaint.com and register an account. Afterwards copy and post the link to your profile on here so that you can be added to the character roster so that you can do character updates.

Post a reply when all that's finished and I will give you another look over for final approval

avatar
Aqua
Champion
Champion

Posts : 220
Join date : 2012-01-02
Age : 30
Location : New York

Character Info
Level: 22
Race: Human
Location: Earth

View user profile http://www.facebook.com/JamieBankai

Back to top Go down

Re: cannon char creation for Fasha

Post by Shana on 2/22/2012, 12:08 pm

Welcome to Infinite DBZ! Alright, the RP sample looks fairly solid. While you wait for an admin, allow me to help you with your rp.

Paragraphs: You've got the basic idea about how paragraphs work, and that's great! But there are a few more rules to it than just breaking the line at a new idea. Whenever somebody new speaks, there should be a new paragraph. So, for example:


Rushing to the pods as they were preparing for there travels to planet meat. placing the scouter over her ear and eye a few dark strands of her long bangs got in the way of her sight. Grumbling about the annoyance of this taking her hand up to the dark locks then pushes it back behind her ear along with a strong huffing blow. " did you see your son yet bardock?" asking over the scouter while resting back in the comforts of her pod rising her arms in a cross behind her head. " No i have not" the voice transmits over " What are we waiting for" as Shugesh and Borgos asking at the same time.

Should look something like:


Rushing to the pods as they were preparing for there travels to planet meat. placing the scouter over her ear and eye a few dark strands of her long bangs got in the way of her sight. Grumbling about the annoyance of this taking her hand up to the dark locks then pushes it back behind her ear along with a strong huffing blow.

" did you see your son yet bardock?" asking over the scouter while resting back in the comforts of her pod rising her arms in a cross behind her head.

" No i have not" the voice transmits over

" What are we waiting for" as Shugesh and Borgos asking at the same time.

Now that we have that paragraph broken up properly, let's look a bit deeper into it.

Punctuation and basic grammar: This may sound a bit like nit-picking, but once you practice writing more, this should come as second nature. Not only does proper grammar help dictate what you are trying to portray to the reader, but it also makes it easier on the eyes. Let's look at the basic definition of a sentence, first.

A complete sentence has to have a subject and a verb, and the verb has to be a "finite"
Taken from The Writing Center.

Now, with that definition in mind, let's look at the same paragraph as before. Specifically, we'll look at the first 'sentence.'

Rushing to the pods as they were preparing for there travels to planet meat.

Okay, this does have a verb, yet no subject. Who is rushing to the pods? Your sentence does not say. We call this a fragment. This is also called an incomplete sentence. So by looking at the above paragraph, I can see that your intended subject was Fasha. With that in mind, let's include her as the subject to make this a complete sentence.

Fasha rushed to the pods as they were preparing for there travels to planet meat.

Notice that I changed the tense of your verb, "rush". Your rps here should be in the past tense. By changing the tense from present to past, I also eliminated the need to include the helping verb, "was." Now, let's delve a little deeper into this sentence.

There, they're, and their: These words are known as homonyms. Homonyms are words that sound alike when you say it, yet have different meanings. Their, they're, and their are homonyms as are to, two, and too. It's very easy to confuse yourself by them, so I'll try to keep the following simple.

There: This word simply dictates a certain place, in theory.

She put the paper there.

You can find an exit over there.

Their: This word shows possession of an object, emotion, ect.

Overwhelming joy could be seen on their faces.

With her power suppressed, her energy became hidden to their scouters.

They're: This word is actually a combination of the two words, "they" and "are." This is known as a conjunction and is in the same family as "don't," "I'm," and "he's."

They're going to meet at the mall.

So in the sentence we are looking at, the word you are looking for is "their." You are giving the pods possession of travel. Let's go ahead and correct that.

Fasha rushed to the pods as they were preparing for their travels to planet meat.

Okay, we're looking good. However, there is one more mistake in this sentence.

Nouns and Proper Nouns: Nouns, as you probably already know, are either a person, place or thing. There are exceptions, but I'm not going to go in them right now. However the two words here: "planet meat" is an example of what is called a "proper noun."

As a rule of thumb, proper nouns must be capitalized. They serve not only to state a person, place, or thing, but go far enough to describe it as well. Think of it almost as an adjective and noun hybrid.

So, as an example, I'll explain where I live. I live in a state. The word "state" is a noun. But if I were to go deeper into where I live, I would say "I live in Florida." The word "Florida" is a proper noun as it describes where I live better than the word "state" would.

So instead of just saying that the pods were going to a planet, it is saying what planet it is going to. Planet Meat should be capitalized here.

Fasha rushed to the pods as they were preparing for their travels to Planet Meat.

It looks like a lot of rules for one sentence when I haven't even tapped into the rest of the rp. And it is a lot of rules when you type it out. But when you practice writing, all of this will come as second hand in your mind as you type. So utilizing this, try fixing your rp up a bit while you wait for an admin!

And once again, welcome to Infinite DBZ. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me or IM me at poweroverwhelming2.

~Shana
avatar
Shana
Champion
Champion

Posts : 334
Join date : 2011-12-30
Age : 27
Location : Mulberry, Florida

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: cannon char creation for Fasha

Post by OldFasha on 2/22/2012, 4:19 pm

ok all fixed and i would like to make all the stats even please..
avatar
OldFasha
Apprentice
Apprentice

Posts : 28
Join date : 2012-02-22

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: cannon char creation for Fasha

Post by Goku on 2/23/2012, 2:09 am

Accepted.

-----


No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away

avatar
Goku
Staff
Staff

Posts : 1903
Join date : 2011-12-10
Age : 30
Location : New York

Character Info
Level: 81
Race: Saiyan
Location: Other World

View user profile http://www.infinitedbz.com

Back to top Go down

Re: cannon char creation for Fasha

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum