bardock's back

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bardock's back

Post by dpriest on 1/28/2012, 5:18 am

Character Name:Bardock

Starting Location:Earth

image

Attributes:

strength:175
Agility:100
Ki:75
Endurance:75

You start with 50 technique points (TP). What abilities will you start with?

Big Bang Cannon:You extend out your arm, with your hand flat, firing a moderate sized beam of ki.

http://mail.wetpaintmail.com/

Roleplay Sample (250 words):Bardock was a low level saiyan that was stronger
than most saiyan elites. His home world planet vegeta was
destroyed many years ago by an evil tyrant named frieza.
Bardock wished back planet vegeta with the dragon balls
on planet namek his second wish that his ship could fly back
and his third was to see his son. He saw a image of earth.

Bardock would go back to vegeta, refuel and then go to earth.
When bardock got back there were no signs of life apart from
himself. He thought that if he wished back vegeta then the
saiyans would come back too. now he was mad and there was
someone there he could release his anger on.

Zarbon found out the vegeta had came back and wanted
to check it out. Bardock was so mad he rushed him
not caring about how much stronger zarbon was or
how much faster he was. They exchanged blows and
Zarbon was impressed he couldn't keep up.

But when bardock thought he had him on the ropes zarbon transformed.
it was ugly to say the least. This form of Zarbon was to much for the
low leveled saiyan. he was getting pounded left and right. He
go up only to get meet by a ki ball to his face. Zarbon's actions
were so fast that bardock didn't know he had been hit till he was hit again.

Then bardock had a stroke of luck. A full moon. This was
the end Zarbon could fell it but wait Bardock started to
grow and grow untill he was a fully formed great ape.

Zarbon tried with all his might to defeat the beast
but it was like fighting a meteor 50x bigger and stronger
than you. Zarbon tried dirty tricks like shoting Barcock in the eye
But Bardock reflected it with a finger then he thought that
it was time to end it.

He raised his foot in the air and crushed him. The moon went
away and bardock went back to normal form and resumed his
mission.


Last edited by dpriest40 on 1/28/2012, 8:21 pm; edited 4 times in total

dpriest
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Re: bardock's back

Post by Goku on 1/28/2012, 5:39 am

Let me give you an example of how you can put this in story format.

You wrote:


This is the hardest battle of my life
dodoria is so fast for his size.
His power is to much.

bardock knew power alone could no win so he used
his surrundings.

there a smaller pod
bardock rushed over to it as followed dodoria.
Bardock was flying straight at it he was gonna hit it.
Wait he shot up dodoria smashed the ship and got stuck
in a childs pod.

bardock turned it on and bye went dodoria.
time to back to my own problems.

with that bardock went back to his pod and left

This is the hardest battle of my life, Bardock thought.

Dodoria had a speed like he had never seen before. But, it wasn't just speed, he also had great power, far too much for Bardock to handle.

But, he wasn't about to give up just yet. Speed and power wasn't everything in a battle. No, the Saiyan knew that he could rely on his surroundings. His eyes darted across the battlefield. It was then he spotted smaller pod. It dawned on him, it was just perfect.

He flew towards the pod, with Dodoria gaining on him fast. Bardock didn't relent, despite his opponent's superior speed. At the last second, he pulled up, taking to the skies. Dodoria couldn't stop his momentum and, smashed straight into it. His giant body caused him to be stuck and his stubby legs kicked wildly as he tried to free himself.

Using a small remote, Bardock activated the pod's engines. It shimmered with a pale white light and blasted off into the sky, headed for the vacuum space. With the pink Xeno taken care of, Bardock could now focus on his own problems. He returned to his pod and clamored in. Pressing a red button on the armrest console, the hatch shut, sealing with a hiss.


-----


No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away

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Goku
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Posts : 1903
Join date : 2011-12-10
Age : 29
Location : New York

Character Info
Level: 81
Race: Saiyan
Location: Other World

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Re: bardock's back

Post by Goku on 1/28/2012, 3:39 pm

Well, I see you made some changes. Although, you mostly used what I wrote. I recommend starting from scratch and writing a new story piece, that way I can see if you have the hang of it or not.

-----


No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away

avatar
Goku
Staff
Staff

Posts : 1903
Join date : 2011-12-10
Age : 29
Location : New York

Character Info
Level: 81
Race: Saiyan
Location: Other World

View user profile http://www.infinitedbz.com

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Re: bardock's back

Post by Goku on 1/28/2012, 9:47 pm

All right, you're getting better. It might take some time to get the hang of it, but I will help train you. I'll accept your character. There's a Kami's Lookout forum where you can post your RPs and get help with them. I'd me more than glad to go over your writing some more and steer you in the right direction.

-----


No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away

avatar
Goku
Staff
Staff

Posts : 1903
Join date : 2011-12-10
Age : 29
Location : New York

Character Info
Level: 81
Race: Saiyan
Location: Other World

View user profile http://www.infinitedbz.com

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