Basic RPing 101 - Lesson 2 - Dialogue

Alright, Ladies and Gents, allow me to introduce you to one of the major cornerstones of all RPing, unless you happen to be playing a deaf-mute. This cornerstone is Dialogue. To some people, dialogue comes as easily as breathing, to others it is the single biggest pain when it comes to narrative writing. We're going to try to make it second nature to everyone, so that you can write believable dialogue that will make the reader think that the person you're RPing is a real person.

Now, what do I mean by a "real person?" The simple answer is, dialogue that sounds cliche is going to put a reader off. You need a natural, flowing language for your character that is believable, conversations that sound like a conversation real people would have. Now, I don't mean you can't throw in a little expository dialogue here or there to keep people informed, but it has to make sense. It can't just be someone popping up to explain things to a character who knows nothing.

Take for example Sairai's history. He was an officer-in-training for the PTO alongside his brother, Hale. He eventually got kicked out because he showed respect for his troops, an unheard of personality trait among the ruthless leaders of the PTO military arm. How would I go about explaining this in a dialogue scene? There are several ways to do it without making it sound like you're just shoving the information down the reader's throat.

We're not focusing on exposition this time, so we're going to leave expository writing alone for right now. Right now, we just need some believable dialogue.

I'm going to go ahead and give an example of a short snippet of a conversation and then let it go to the assignment. I'll use a conversation between Korin and Sairai as an example.

"You know, I am thankful that you helped me get what I needed for my Senzu Beans, but that doesn't mean you can drop in whenever you want and drink me out of tea!" Korin nearly yelled at the younger man.

Sairai's eyes twinkled with amusement as he beheld the little cat before him getting worked up. "The last time we had this argument, I told you I'd be willing to go and buy you more. You said you'd think about it and-,"

"I haven't said anything about it since," the cat put his head on his paw and shook his head. "I can't believe I forgot. Fine. Just stop drinking my tea until you go and buy more. I'm down to my last few bags of tea leaves, and believe it or not, I enjoy having something to drink around here."

Your assignment will now be to create a similar two person conversation. It can be a violent argument, a loving chat on a midnight stroll, or anything your imagination can come up with, but if must involve your character here on IDBZ and... this time I'm putting you guys under a word limit. No less than 100 words and no more than 500. That should be more than enough for me to see what you guys are actually capable of. 

For those who need a translation,

Your assignment will now be to create a similar two person conversation. It can be a violent argument, a loving chat on a midnight stroll, or anything your imagination can come up with, but if must involve your character here on IDBZ and... this time I'm putting you guys under a word limit. No less than 100 words and no more than 500. That should be more than enough for me to see what you guys are actually capable of.

Gohan, are you sure that you want to enter the Hyperbolic Time Chamber? Kami, the old namekian puzzled sadly at Gohan.

"Yes, Master Kami. I do want to, I need some serious training, in case any threats arrive here." Gohan answered Kami, rubbing his head as he wasn't completely certain about it.

Master Kami took a deep breath and settled himself down, adding something before Gohan had approached the entrance. Well, before you go. I must tell you important rules about it or else you could do something that may mess up everything Gohan suddenly widened his eyes, he wouldn't dare get his feet inside the room at the moment.

"Ok, Master Kami. Please tell me quickly, time is running and any threat could be possibly here soon." The sayian exclaimed nervously.

Alright, listen carefully to what's being said. Before I start anything, you have to know that The time dilation that occurs in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber is one day of real time is equivalent to one year in the Chamber, or 1 minute of real time is approximately six hours in the Chamber. There are dual giant hourglasses of emerald sand adorning the sides of the building that count down a year within the chamber. A clock on the dome roof of the main part of the building tells the applicable time in the real world.

Gohan dropped down his lower jaw, those information were totally clutchy. "So.. if I'm inside there one day, I exit the chamber out a year older?"

Correct. Kami nodded slightly before continuing on. The Chamber can only be entered for two days at a time, if anybody attempts to stay longer, they will not be able to exit, leaving them in nothingness and not allowing anyone else to use the door.

"Oh, Boy... If I don't leave after two days, I'm finished." Gohan gulped, as he was afraid about not leaving the chamber for the rest of his life.

Now that you've known the rules, you're all ready to go. The old Kami nodded hopefully with a smile across his face.

I wish you good luck with your training, be careful of what I've said, Gohan! Kami shouted slightly, as the young warrior had already approached the wooden door, paying attention at his friend before he had entered the chamber.

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W.C.401

"So what're we going to do about lard mouth over there?" It was a fairly simple question, but one without an easy answer. Mello- the red headed, virtually immortal Construct- flew backwards, side by side with Avlon, a Xeno girl who seemed closely related to the human species...But maybe not quite, based on the pointed ears and somewhat claw-like nails.

"Well, after it breaks a few teeth on your hardware, maybe you can self destruct in the thing's esophagus and kill it through suffocation," Avlon suggested condescendingly. She gestured the beast's gaping mouth, which easily made up over half of its body, and continued her now less sarcastic speech. "If you can send a blast at the teeth to crack them open, maybe I could fly in and blast through the head."

A clever suggestion, but Mello found offense in it...And...admiration? He almost blushed at such a thought, but fought back the strange feeling emerging in his center to respond. "I think I should fly inside- I'm a lot stronger than you, for one, and two, I need you in order to get a ship. Why don't you distract it and I'll blast through one of the eyes?"

"Cute, Mello, but I've studied these things. The teeth are a lot thicker than the inside of the mouth, and the eyes are no where near the brain. So; go charge your attack so we can get out of here, eh?"

Now that one was a bit...hurtful. She'd inadvertently insulted Mello's intelligence, and that was more than enough to awaken a sullen anger within any man. His face grew stern, his eyes narrowing a bit as he pushed some energy to his right hand. "Fine. But if you die, I'm stealing the damn ship." Almost instantly the butterflies died as his aggression took over, and his laughter began to build with the blast. After just a moment, the two unleashed, and his venting began with the process of murdering King Maoy's favorite pet.

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WC: 335

Ava felt her heart breaking all over again. She dropped down to the ground and felt the tears running down her cheeks. They had been so close, so agonizingly close. She felt her body yearning for him already. She heard the villagers come out of hiding and looked at her. She turned to see them walking up to her.

“Was that…”she heard Aria say as she walked up to her.

“Yeah, my ex…Kaval…”she said, not looking at her.

“Ava, are you okay?” Aria said, running up to her and seeing all the blood.

Aria put her hand on Ava’s arm and Ava put her hand over hers. She looked at her and smiled.

“I’m fine.” Ava smiled, getting up.
“Now you all know… what I am.” she said to the townsfolk.
“I’m an alien, called a Saiyan. Just like those three men that were here.” She said, looking at them.
“If you want me to leave, I will.” She said, looking at them.

They all began chattering amongst each other and Ava heard the words, dangerous, unpredictable and murderer amongst the chatter.

“HAVE YOU ALL GONE MAD?”Aria shouted at them.
“SHE JUST SAVED THIS TOWN, PROBABLY THE WHOLE PLANET, AND YOU WANT TO KICK HER OUT.”Aria shouted at them.

“Aria, having an alien in your village can really scare some people, trust me I know. It’s their right to choose whether I stay or go.” Ava explained to her.

“But, then, you’ll move and I won’t get my training…”Aria said, looking at her.
“I want to learn to do what you just did, Ava.” She said, looking at the trench down the middle of the street.
“If she goes, I go.” Aria stepped forward and looked at the crowd.

They fell quiet when Aria mad her little announcement and looked at her.

“He was threatening to kill me so she killed him. I call that justice, isn’t that right, police chief?” Aria looked at the man to the right of the crowd.

“Yes, well, ah, killing someone for that isn’t justice, Aria.” He coughed.

“But it was justified.” She shouted back.

“Aria, let it go.” Ava urged her.

“No, you did a great thing, you deserve to stay.” She said back to Ava.
The mayor walked up to her and looked her in the eye.

“If you swear that this will not happen again, then you can stay.” He said to her.

“I can’t swear it, someone might come along tomorrow and I’ll have to do the same thing, but I promise that I will lead them away from the village to fight them.” she said to him.

“Good… good, that will have to do. We can’t keep rebuilding the village.” He smiled and laughed at her.

“So, I can stay?” she asked.
He smiled and tapped her on the shoulder.

“You can stay.” He smiled.

“Come on, honey, let get those wounds looked at.” the local doctor said, taking her to her house.

Broly glanced at his opponent, examining the wounds that he himself had inflicted onto the man. The fellow was well injured; cuts and scrapes were scattered along his legs, which were already covered in blackened skin. The burns were clearly leaving him unable to move out of the way, allowing the Legendary Warrior to stride forward, energy cocked into his hand. The ball of glittering energy was shining and humming over the sound of silence, as the warrior slowly strode to a halt a few feet away from his wounded opponent.

"How befitting. You're in too pitiful a state to crawl, weakling.", Broly let out the final word in a hiss-like way, allowing it to hang in the air. His face was all smiles, his body language displaying the exact opposite. He didn't know why the poor fool had put up a fight in the first place.

"Coming from a monster?Yeah, that means a lot to me. I'm smiling on the inside."

Broly snorted. He thought he was in position to back talk him?

"You'll be smiling from hell, if you keep that up. I'll have to smash you like the insect you are...One more word, and I will end you.", he smirked and narrowed his eyes as he glared at his wounded enemy. There was no way this guy was getting away from him, anymore. He was at the end of his road.

"Fuck you, Saiyan!"

"Silence!", Broly called as he slung the ball of energy forward at his enemy, watching it as it ripped through the air with a vicious screech.

WC: 276; it feels weird to post that size.

Jeraph starred down the man who just hit him with the Destructive Wind attack. His arms were still smoldering as he lowered them to his sides. Jeraph allowed his ki to flare to max showing just how strong he had gotten since last time the had met. His cold ice blue eyes were piercing through the opponent, and if looks could kill this man would have fallen dead on the spot.


"Well I see you've learned a few new tricks" Jeraph quipped to the man.

"Yes I have, but as always you seem to be stronger. That attack combination would have been the end of many opponents" the man responded, his voice seething with anger.

"I have been training a lot. I've devoted my the entirety of training to making myself stronger in every way" Jeraph said in response, his voice cold and lacking any emotion.

"Why did you come find me after all these years" the man asked, his question seemingly genuine.

"The answer to that my former friend is simple, you have been judged and found guilty. I simply am your executioner" Jeraph retorted his anger finally showing in his voice.

WC 191

Aqua returned to the balcony to find Korin cleaning his paws. He eyed her weapon intently. “What have we here?” he said.

“You know what they say about curiosity and you,” Aqua said playfully.

A moment later Crono raced into the room with a goofy grin. “Come on, I'll race you there!” he exclaimed, leaving no room for a reply before he floated up off of the platform and into the distance.

Aqua turned to Korin with an exasperated expression. “Since he didn’t ask, would you mind telling me where the mineral water is located?”

“It is on the south end of the forest, it runs from a stream marked by an old temple. Make surrre he comes back in one peace, would you?” Korin said with a chuckle.

“Am I here to train or babysit?” Aqua groaned.

“Teenagers!” Korin scoffed with a wave of his paw. "Hurry, before he gets lost'"

“You owe me, cuddles.” Aqua remarked. She gave Korin a broad grin, attached her keyblade to her backpack and raced after Crono.

Wolfbrother Yamcha and Puar walked across the extremely hot desert for at least a good thirty minutes until they both hit the ground and began to sweat.

"Puar...wheres..the..water..." Yamcha asked in a very dehydrated tone.

"Sorry...Yamcha...I drank..most of it..." She said after sweating bullets going into Yamcha canteen pack and pulling out the water to give to Yamcha.

Wolfbrother Yamcha took the canteen to his lips and gave the rest to puar who drank as well. After she had a sip, she put it back into the pack.

They both got up a little bit better but not that great and continued to walk.

"Puar." Yamcha spoke firmly. "That water, we must find an oasis soon. There should be one out here somewhere if the map wasn't lying."

Puar turns into a set binocular ::poofs:: and Yamcha uses the binoculars to look for a oasis tundra.

"Hrm, where is it....wait's there's something a bit far off..." Yamcha stated as Puar replied. "I'll zoom in!"

The binoculars zoomed in, showing yamcha a beautiful site of shade and water. He then held on to the binoculars and gathered a green aura about his body. He then lifted off and started to speak to puar.

"Puar!" Yamcha yelled as the joy of finding an oasis in the desert filled him with hope. Strong in his faith he was. "This is going to be a good night, water and shade. We can set our Capsule Corporation House up here!"

As Yamcha landed, Puar turned back into a blue flying cat. "Yeah, this will be very vital to us." Puar said with pride, overlooking the oasis.

271 words

Last Call... Is that everyone who's going to post in the lesson?

Alright. The class is now closed. I should have the reviews of your posts up this week, and then we'll get on to the next lesson.

Gohan: Your writing tends to be on the complex side, so I’m going to focus on your dialogue particularly right now, instead of looking at the other areas of your post. Let’s take, for example, your conversation with Kami, especially when he warns of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber’s time restriction. It sounds like you’re reading out of a technical manual and not warning someone that they can die, and Gohan seems to not be fazed at all by the idea that he really might die. It was more like one of “oh, okay” moments. If you’re going to write believable dialogue, take a look at what people would actually say in such things. For example: “This could kill you.” “What?! I might want to think twice about this.”

VegeMello: Your writing is fairly solid, and your dialogue seems a bit believable, but I’m having a bit of trouble picking up the tone. You make the creature they’re having so much trouble fighting seem like it’s little more than a nuisance, when it’s in serious danger of killing them. The banter is witty, but lacks that personal touch. I can’t really see this being something two people in this situation would say to each other, and it just seems to me like they’re reading lines. It needs a little passion in the words. I’m not saying dry humor isn’t a good way to go, but in the middle of a battle scene, it’s a bit of an off putting to have the protagonists sound like they’re bored out of their skulls or just playing a video game.

Broly: As usual, your work is pretty good, so I’m going to have to be extra critical of you. Your punctuation in at least one part of your dialogue is off (remember spacing between punctuation and words, it’s your friend). On a slightly more nitpicky note, the person Broly is attacking and Broly sound almost exactly the same, save for who’s on the receiving end and who is on the giving end. It’d be a good idea to try differentiating the voices of your characters, so each one of them sounds unique. Not the easiest thing, trust me, I know, but it’s something you should consider trying.

Khaos: Please remember to end your quotes with the proper punctuation mark. In the case of imperative or informative sentences, you use a comma. Alright, now that that’s out of the way, let’s check everything else. Not to sound too nitpicky about it, but your dialogue could use a little bit of polish. You have the basics down, but you’re using some pretty clichéd lines at the moment. Now, clichés are a part of everyday life, and there’s no way a writer can avoid them all. The idea is to take the cliché and use it in a good way. Take for example your executioner remark. Save it for the end of the fight, when the man’s looking up at him and asking what he has become, and then have him smile wickedly and say the line. That gives it a much more emotional attachment. Your characters also have that small problem of sounding like the same person doing both sets of lines. Try to work on this as well.

Aqua: You seem to be missing punctuation marks in your post as well, though overall your dialogue is very believable, even playing off Koring as this grumpy old man. It’s not really all that surprising though. Alright, aside from that, you might want to try playing up Aqua’s attitude with Korin, make it known that she’s being a bit of a jokester instead of letting the reader make his own inferences. You should leave some things to the imagination, but not your character’s personality traits. If she’s being a jerk for humor, let them know, otherwise they might just think she’s generally a jerk.

Yamcha: Where to start with this… Your punctuation needs some definite improvement. Like I told Broly, you should put spaces between the end of your punctuation and the next word in line, otherwise the sentence comes out looking wonky. On another note, your dialogue just falls flat for me. You use dialogue for something that it really shouldn’t be used for in writing most of the time. Exposition is the domain of the narrator, not the characters. Having them talk about the past once in awhile is fun, but you should follow the maxim of “show, don’t tell” more often than not, unless you really need to tell instead of show to keep the mystery around certain things.

Next Class will begin shortly!